is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Randomize
