I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
