Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
