I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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