Define "chronic" masturbator.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I love you. Go after that dick
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
