K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
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