You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Randomize
