am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
no, he came in my armpit
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
