My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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