The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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