are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Randomize
