So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
She needs sedatives and a leash
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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