We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Randomize
