i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
