So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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