can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
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