6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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