This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
