My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
