People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
