so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
home. puking in laundry basket.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Randomize
