Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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