I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
