I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
My vagina is very pro this idea
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
