i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Randomize
