She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
