4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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