I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Randomize
