Your face is a jimmy john
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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