So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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