I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
