So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
