your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
