I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
