I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
is that a dick in a sweater?
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
