I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
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