I forgot how hot balto sounded
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Randomize
