I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Randomize
