wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Randomize
