sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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