This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
