didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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