i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
