Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
