Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Randomize
