i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
There's always time for handjobs
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize