if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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