babies were throwing up all over the place
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
