i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
