i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
