one word: firstdatebathroomanal
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
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