ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
