Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Randomize
