we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
