So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
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