u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
