he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
Randomize
