I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
