Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
