i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
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