You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
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