my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
