Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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