just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
